My Blemish

I started driving when I was 16....that was 34 years ago.   I've always prided myself in the fact that I have never had an accident, at least not one where I was behind the wheel.  I've had cars that were damaged by other people.  I had a Mustang that my dad borrowed and was hit when he made a left hand turn in front of someone, a Nissan Sentra that was hit by a drunk teenager while it was parked and my current Suburban that was hit, while it was parked at a hotel in San Diego, by some young Italian tourists.   Never an accident that was my fault, until last Thursday.

This is my poor Suburban

This is the damage to the other car

I had my first accident last week while taking my daughter to school.  Me behind the wheel and me at fault.  I was attempting to make a lane change to the right.  I looked back to make sure it was clear to merge, started moving over and when I turned back around the traffic in front had stopped and I hit the rear right side of the car in front of me.  It's a sound that I hate and remember so much.  Turning my wheel to avoid the hit and then hearing the hit, my heart just sank.

We pulled into a parking lot to exchange information.  I apologized to the young girl and she just laughed and said not to worry.  I'm not sure I was worried as much as angry.  Angry with my self for not leaving more room, for rushing to get my daughter to school, for not staying on my normal route.  So many things I could have done different.  I wondered why this would have happened.  My husband came and got my daughter and told me to go home and call the insurance company. 

I talked to the insurance company and then the collision center nearby.  When I hung up, I just started crying.  Crying because we don't need this added expense right now, my car that I love so much was now damaged and I would have to be without it for awhile and most of all because I wasn't a perfect driver anymore.  I asked God to tell me what I was supposed to learn from all of this and as I sat in silence, I realized that as  parents sometimes we try to do too much for our kids instead of letting them fall once in awhile.

You see, in our house as in many others, our family is always rushing to do something or be somewhere.  Amber needs to be at her boyfriends by 8:30am so they can drive to school out in south county.  Alyssa and Neecy need to be at school at 8:00am, but since the schools are 20 minutes from each other, Robert takes Alyssa and Amber and I take Neecy.  We have told our kids over and over the times we need to leave in order to get them to school on time and over and over, they get up at the last minute and then rush around like crazy people trying to get ready.  Always, we are running late, then they stress about us getting them to school before class starts.  We have told them in the past that if they aren't ready, we won't rush to get them to school and they will have to pay the consequences of being late.  Instead, however, we don't follow through.  This doesn't only apply to school.  It's everything, sports, movies, parties, work.  They just don't know the importance of being ready on time.  Time management is everything.  We've told them to get things ready the night before but they wait till the last minute to prepare for everything.  They wake up minutes before we need to leave.  When they are running late, instead of taking responsibility for it, they blame us for not getting them there on time.

After the accident, as I sat listening for the lesson to be learned, I realized we are not doing our children any good by protecting them.  I realized they are not learning to plan ahead because mom and dad will hurry to get them there on time at all costs.  This is teaching them that when they do start driving, they too can just drive a little fast and a little wreck less to make up for their poor planning.  I know that the right thing to do is to let them get to school late and pay the consequences of a couple detentions, or perhaps get to work late and let their boss reprimand or warn them. 

Alyssa plays softball and she makes sure she is at every practice and also makes sure she is there on time, early actually.  This is because Coach Marlon doesn't mess around.  After four years, she knows that if they miss a practice, they will not play in the game, even if they are losing because a girl in the game is not playing at her best.  Coach will not take her out to put the girl in that missed practice.  This is the lesson they learn.  If they are late to practice, the entire team will run laps.  No excuses.  No one has to wake her up on Saturday morning to get to practice.  She is up an hour early.  The reason for all this is because what the coach warned them about, he actually follows through with.  There is no wining or pleading for another chance.  He won't have it.  Instead at home, we make exceptions, don't follow through and the results are not good. 


I can't change the fact that the accident happened.  I take full responsibility for that.  I can change how I choose to react to my children and their poor planning.  From now on, when I say we are leaving at 7:30am and they aren't ready until 7:40, I drive cautiously and at the speed limit.  I don't weave in and out to save time.  If she's late, she'll pay the consequences at school.

Family Feast Day

Today is the start of our monthly Family Feast Days.  This is something I started a few years ago at the urging of my daughters.  We had such a busy schedule with sports and school activities that we were unable to attend many family gatherings.  I have a large family and so does my husband so we talked and decided that we would host a family gathering once a month at our home. 

March family feast 2006

My kids always hear me and my cousin talk about the times when we were growing up and Sunday was a day of gathering for our family.  After church, I remember we would drive to my aunts house for a visit.  I was always so excited because I knew there would be cousins to play with.  The adults would cook food, talk and it was a great time for everyone to just relax, share the week's happenings and laugh.  I always remember lots of laughter!

Grama and Gramps celebrating at March Family Feast 2006

I tried to explain that times are different now.  Life is more rushed and there's not so much time on week-ends to get together every week like before.  We decided that we would host the family gatherings once a month instead of weekly and that we would invite family from both mine and my husbands sides so that they could get to know each other better.  These get togethers were potlucks so that the cooking didn't have to fall on one person.  To make it more interesting and fun, we asked everyone to write down a menu idea and we put all the ideas in a hat and each month we would pull out what the menu would be for the following month.  We had some pretty good food from Italian, Mexican, vegetarian, breakfast, pub foods and BBQ.  Each month it was different and interesting. 

My cousin and my aunt

The beauty of the dinners was that there was no pressure to attend.  Every month there was someone who couldn't come the previous month or sometimes someone new would show up.  We would also buy or make a cake and celebrate the month's birthdays.    I'm not sure why we stopped doing them but I've been urged (strongly) by my kids to start them up again, so today is our first one for this year. 

I'm excited to see everyone gather and laugh.  I love to see my son's face when his cousins show up and it reminds me that the important family values that were instilled in me when I was young, are being passed down to my children.  Hopefully, when they are old enough with their own families, they will know in their heart that nothing is more precious than the gift of a wonderful family bond.  It doesn't matter that we don't talk every day or live in the same county, we should never forget our roots and those that worked so hard to keep our family together.  I hope that my children too, will take the time to connect and bring the family together. 

My Visit with James



James and our 89 year old aunt Chavela

So I mentioned a couple posts ago that I had reconnected with a family member I hadn't seen in over 20 years.  Well, he came last week and we spent the day together.  I was a little nervous before he got here since I haven't spoken to him in so long.  I was afraid we'd just sit and stare at each other with nothing to say.  It's a lot easier to communicate online than it is in person. 

I got up early, got ready and got the kids to school.  About 10:45, I saw his truck roll up to the house.  My son announced that he was here and my husband was outside to greet him even though they had never met personally.   I walked outside and we just looked at each other and he came and gave me a big bear hug.  Instantly we started talking about our kids. 

James and I play "Words with Friends" on our phones and my son and his uncle bonded over the game,  and he showed my son other games to play.  He and my husband talked guy stuff and we all hung out here for a couple hours before heading to our aunts house.  On the way to our aunts, I drove him passed his grandfathers old house and we talked about how the neighborhood had changed. 

I was excited when we arrived at our aunts because he hadn't seen her in about 30 years.  We walked in and he just walked over and embraced her for awhile.  The look on my aunts face to see her nephew after so many years was priceless.  We sat, talked, laughed and reminisced about old times.  Sadly, we had to leave and pick up my daughter from softball practice.   After we picked up Alyssa, we came home and he and I had a couple beers while my kids got to spend a little time with their uncle. 

James needed to be back home early Tuesday so he decided to leave late Monday and make the drive home.  We talked outside for awhile before he left and he promised he would not stay away for a long time.  There is a family reunion in July that he said he'll be attending.  I can't wait till then to see more family.  For now, I'm glad for the chance we all had to re-connect.

My Morining Surprise

Tonight, Alyssa is going to her Senior Winter Formal.  It was sort of a last minute thing.  She wasn't planning on going but one of her friends asked if she wanted to go with him so she agreed.  Last night she mentioned that we didn't order a boutonniere so I told her to leave me a note on the desk and I would call the florist in the morning.

This morning while I was still in bed, my husband took our daughter to softball practice. Normally, he just drops her off is is back in 30 minutes.  Today however, he was gone an hour.   While he was gone, I got out of bed and called the florist.  I ordered a boutonniere with a white rose and black ribbon.  A few minutes later, I noticed my husband wasn't home. Sometimes he stays to talk to the coach but today, we have lots to do around the house and I wanted to make sure he wasn't going to hang out at the field all practice.  I called him and asked him where he was and he said he stopped at the florist to order the boutonniere for Alyssa's date.  I told him I had just called the florist to order one and we both started laughing....he was standing there when I called.  He said he would cancel my order and be home soon. 

What a surprise when he walked in the door with a beautiful single red rose.   I remember when we were dating, he used send me flowers at work.  He had a special rose he would send called fire and ice and this is one of them.  Thank you sweetie for my morning surprise....I love you!

Reconnecting with Family

Lots of people think Facebook is a waste of time and there was a time when I was one of those people.  Don't get me wrong.  While I think Facebook is a great social networking site, I do think lots of people waste time with it.  For me, it was a way to connect with my aunt who lives in Virginia.  Slowly, I would get invites from other family members who I lost touch with.  My main rule is never add anyone that I don't personally know. 

One of my cousins requested me as a friend.  I accepted and over time, his brother James, who is my age, also sent me a friend invite.  James and I haven't seen each other in over 20 years.  I have fond memories of our childhood, when our families would gather at his great grandmothers house.  Growing up, we had a large family that lived in close proximity to each other and we would all have frequent get-togethers.  At some point, slowly, many of those family members started moving to Northern California and over time we all lost touch. 

Through Facebook, James and I started to catch up on each others lives.  He's even a great "Words with  Friends" partner and we often chat while playing.  James has a brother who lives in So Cal and he just told me he's coming to visit him.  His brother Paul lives about 30 minutes away and I was hoping James would somehow have time to visit us.  As luck would have it, he's arranged to stop by on Monday so we can go visit our aunt who he hasn't seen in years.  I am so excited to see him again and hope that somehow we can continue to be a part of each others lives.  He has children and grandchildren that I have never met and vice versa. 

I know that our aunt will be so happy and surprised and I can't wait!