Well, Christmas is offically over for 2010 and it's a bittersweet ending. Christmas has always been my favorite time of the year but I have noticed that each year, I enjoy it less and less. Maybe it's because instead of savoring every day and really taking in the sights, smells, sound and meaning of Christmas, I instead am running around like a crazy woman trying to cram shopping, baking, decorating, etc., etc., into the week before the big day. I used to start enjoying the holidays the week before Thanksgiving when I looked forward to seeing family and planning all the fun activities for Christmas. That was when I had so much less responsibility and didn't really have much in life to do but have fun. I didn't have to cook, clean, run kids around town, handle a family budget and deal with life's rollercoaster ride of unexpected challenges. It seemed back then that it took forever for Christmas to get here and now it's as if it just finished and there it is again.
This year, finances were strained and I kept putting off doing things that should have been done a long time ago. I have realized that doesn't help because they need to be done anyway and waiting till the last minute not only causes much more stress but it actually ends up costing much more money. Yesterday as we drove to grama's house, once again we were behind schedule by about 45 minutes. As we drove on the freeway, I decided to write down my feelings in a little book I carry so that in a few months as I look ahead to next Christmas and that feeling of frustration for lack of planning is no longer there, I can look in my little book and relive the way it feels to be unorganized, unprepared and lacking the "Christmas Spirit!" We didn't buy gifts this year except for our kids and kids in the extended family. It was really hard for me to not have something to give everyone. I thought it would be rude to receive and not give or that people would be upset if they didn't get anything from us. But not having money forced me to realize a couple of things though. Sometimes we give to "look good" or just because someone gives to us, or maybe just out of a feeling of obligation. This is not giving in the spirit. As my 9 year old son says, "It's not about the presents, it's about Jesus." This is true and I believe we have gotten away from the true meaning of Christmas. If money hadn't of been tight, I would have done what I always do...give gifts whether I meant it or not.
I have vowed for things to be different in 2011. This is the year I look at life as less of a chore and more of an adventure. I have vowed to plan ahead, put money away now, even if it's just $5-$10 per paycheck, and think about ideas for Christmas. The secret I think is also not just to think but to act. Many times, not just with Christmas but with anything, I think of something I should do but don't do it. I read somewhere that everytime we think of something we should be doing or should do, we need to act on it and just do it. That way things don't slip by us and pile up for later. Giving shouldn't just be about buying gifts but giving of ourselves out of love. I have received homemade gifts this year and I have received store bought gifts this year and I must say that there is something special about receiving something that someone took the time to actually think about and create just for me. Don't get me wrong, I do like receiving gifts but sometimes when shopping for others, we just buy something just for the sake of buying it without thinking of what the other person really likes and wants. There are also times we buy for people who we may not even feel connected to but do it out of obligation. I choose not to do that anymore.
I vow to make 2011 the year I look ahead at what needs to be done and do it that way I have more time to enjoy life as it comes. No more running around the day before birthdays and holidays getting things ready so that by the time the "special day" arrives, I am too tired and frazzled to enjoy it. No more worrying about what other people think. When I plan things it will be what's best for me and my family and not to impress others. No more looking back wishing I would have enjoyed Christmas more. Next year, I will enjoy everything about the holidays starting with cooking Thanksgiving dinner. I plan to enjoy decorating for Christmas, going out looking at Christmas lights, taking my kids to see Santa, wrapping gifts and I actually plan to mail the Christmas cards I write out next year instead of just leaving them sit until it's too late to mail. I also hope that I can be a better mother, wife, sister and friend by just being a more relaxed, organized and happy me!
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