Food

Food is something we eat every day.  It sustains us, gives us vitamins and nourishment and settles our growling stomach when we're hungry.  It can also be something that we turn to in moments of happiness or stress.  The need to fill an unknown or unresolved void.  Sometimes it's just that we are addicted to certain ingredients that keep us coming back for more like sugar, other times it's the look of the food that attracts us when we aren't even hungry like a lucious cake or pie.

For me, food isn't very important.  Don't get me wrong, there are those occasional times when something will catch my eye and call my name, like a dripping ice cream on a hot day or that pie that sits in the display case that looks like it's been sprayed with varnish to make the fruit shine.  For the most part, I am not consumed with eating.  In fact, my problem is that I don't eat.  I get hungry and think about what to eat, but nothing seems appealing to me.

Latley, though, I have been comsumed with thoughts about my childhood foods.  We never made elaborate meals when I was growing up. On the contrary, our meals were simple and basic but they were good!  My grama had a way of making the simplest foods taste fabulous.  I remember how she would made a pot of beans.  There were always beans in her fridge.  Not canned beans but fresh cooked beans.  She would also make fideo which is a coiled pasta that is made with tomatoe sauce and water.  I loved her fideo.  Other times she made spanish rice.  The "carne" or meat was simply cooked with tomatoes, onions, garlic and chile, no major ingredients but it was good.  Sometimes we had no meat with our meals.  Instead, we had cheese enchiladas or tostadas or just beans, rice, salad and veggies with tortillas.  Oh and the tortillas were always homemade when I was a little girl.  My grama would buy tortillas to have on hand in a pinch but for the most part they were homemade.   Corn tortillas were my favorite but were only made on rare occasions, but when she made them, I could hardly wait to eat them.  I remember she would also make what we called calabasitas or little squash.  It's simply Mexican squash cut in rounds with butter, garlic, onion, tomatoe sauce with water and cheese melted on top. 

As I grew up, I began cooking a variety of foods, none of which were like those that my grama made.  I made foods that I picked out of magazines or saw on television shows. I like to do my own thing in the kitchen, put together whatever pops into my head.  The majority of the time my family likes it but I have made a few throw outs.  I do occasionally throw in some favorites from when I was a kid like Sopa.  Well, we called it sopa (which means soup) but it's just pasta shaped like alphabets or rings or stars that are toasted in a little oil to brown and then cooked in tomatoe sauce with water.  Please don't mistake this for the canned pastas that are drenched in thick tomatoe sauce.  This has a light, unique flavor.  Just like me, my kids love it.   This was my macaroni and cheese growing up, my comfort food, if you will.  In fact, I didn't have mac'n'cheese till I was an adult.

Now with the rising cost of food and the need to cutback on spending I have been looking at ways to cut our large grocery bill.  It seems that as soon as I bring in the groceries, the bags, boxes and cartons get torn open and the food is eaten in a flash.  I've started buying more fruits and less junk for the kids and I've also started doing what I grew up with.  Cooking foods that are simple yet delicious and comforting.  I'm trying to get in the habit of making "frijoles de la holla" or beans from the pot on a regular basis, to incorporate in our meals.  Not only are they inexpensive but filling and nutritious as well. 

Today, I made a pot of beans.  The house smelled just like gramas.  My son kept asking me what smelled so good.  When they were done, I grabbed a bowl and went to get a tortilla but there were none.  Disappointed, I sat and ate my bowl of frijoles by itself.  As I sat there enjoying the warm, soft beans, I thought about making some tortillas.  The thought quickly passed as I've tried in the past to make flour tortillas only to have them turn out like Matza Bread.  Matza bread is an unleavened bread that is crispy and  traditionaly eaten by Jews during the week-long Passover holiday.   No, I am not Jewish but went to Catholic school as a child and that's what they would give us during lent to re-enact the Passover feast.  I decided to try the tortilla making again.  This time I really put my all into it.  As I kneaded the dough, I wondered if I was kneading too much or too little.  See, back in the day, there were no recipes to follow.  Just add a pinch of this and a dash of that was how it was done.  I rolled the dough into little balls and rolled them out into shapes that somewhat resembled circles.  I placed one on the grill and waited for the bubbles.  This is what I remember as a child about tortilla making.  I would be facinated by how the dough would bubble as it was cooking on the griddle.  None of mine in the past had bubbled .  This time however, as soon as I placed the disc on the griddle, something began to happen.  Little tiny bubbles started to appear.  Then when I flipped it, a little larger bubble appeared.  I flipped it one more time and low and behold the round disc looked as if someone was pumping it with air.  SUCCESS!!!!!

I ended up with 14 beautiful, homemade flour tortillas to go with my homemade pot of beans.  I know the tortillas will be gone before the lights go out tonight but that's OK.  I now know I can make more tomorrow if I want to.

Another First Day!

I know I already wrote my post for the day but I just couldn't leave out Neecy's picture from her first day of school. 

School officially started yesterday, but being an 8th grader this year gave her the privilege of starting a day late.  Last night after getting her clothes ready for today and taking her shower, she walked to the kitchen to make her lunch.  We informed her that this year, she can get lunch at school but she said she wanted to take her own lunch.  Miss Independent.   She made her lunch, put her name on the bag and said her goodnites.

This morning as I quietly moved around the house at 6:15am trying not to wake anybody who didn't need to be up that early, I caught her in  her bed with the curtain pulled back looking out the window.  A few minutes later she came to me with hands on hip and said, "Um mom, the sun?"  I said, 'What about the sun?" and she said, "Uh, it's not out, duh?"  I told her it was still kind of early and she could go back to bed for a little while but she just walked back to her room and closed the door behind her. 

I took Alyssa and when I got home at 7:00am, Neecy was dressed, had eaten breakfast, had her lunch in her backpack and was ready to go.  I told her we had to wait a little while because it was still too early.  When I finally said it was time to go, she impatiently told her brother to hurry up.  We got in the car and drove away.  We talked about how this would be her last year at this school and next year she would start high school. 


I can't believe my little girl is going to be in high school next year.  I am so blessed to have her in my life.  She tries my patience over and over but adds so much joy and laughter to our lives.  So here is my 8th grade Diva!

A Moment of Silence!

As I was getting ready to take Aniecia to school today, Dave, my neighbor across the street, came by to see if Robert would be home around 11am.  He said he needed a ride to John Wayne Airport.  I told him Robert had no plans but he would need to check with him after he got home from dropping off Amber. 

When I got back from taking Neecy, Robert asked if I wanted to take a drive with him to John Wayne Airport to take Dave.  I thought about it a minute and said that maybe Patrick would want to go but I should stay to get things done here at home.

About 11:15 they left and I finished up some emails I was deleting.  I thought about sneaking a nap but decided against it and began to sweep the bathroom.  I went for the remote to turn on the TV and thought maybe music would be better.  Then a better thought popped into my head.  How about nothing at all?  No TV, no radio, no kids, nothing.  You see, in our home, silence is not something that comes easily.  There is always some sort of noise going on here and after awhile, it's the norm.  Quiet is so...well, quiet!   I cleaned up the bedroom and folded a load of laundry.  I was just starting to enjoy the silence and moved to the kitchen to do dishes when I saw Robert and Patrick walking back across the street.

I opened the door and said, "Wow!  That was fast!"  The guys excitedly said that the freeways were empty and they made it there and back in about 30 minutes.  I'm glad I opted for the silence even if it was only for a moment.

First Day of School

Today is the first day of school for many children, mine included.  Well, not all of mine.  Aniecia starts tomorrow since 8th graders get an extra day of vacation.  Everyone else, however was up early this morning and out the door. 

Amber is starting her first day at a new Community College.  She's opted to not return to Fullerton College as the classes she needs are not available there.  She needs classes for nursing and they don't offer any nursing classes at Fullerton.  I think she just wants to be with Michel, her boyfriend, and that's just fine with me.  With everything that has been going on with her, I am much more comfortable knowing that he's on campus with her even if it is farther away.  I really hope she has a great day and a good time at her new school!

Alyssa was up really early this morning.  She decided to register for zero period which starts at 6:55am.  This means that I need to be up early to take her.  It was nice getting up and seeing the morning dawn.  I was ready by 6:05 and read the Bible while I waited for her to finish getting ready.  As we drove down the street, she said, "You didn't take a picture of me before we left."  Every year since Kindergarten, I have taken a picture outside our house before the kids go to school.  I don't take any of Amber anymore because she's now in college and it's different.  I actually didn't think Alyssa cared since this year she's a Senior.  Pictures I thought were for "kids".  I told her I would take one when I dropped her off at school.  I thought there would be no one around and that would be that.  As I pulled into the school, the line of traffic was already backed up.  We drove around the side of the school and she told me to park so I could take her picture.  I thought she wouldn't want anyone seeing her mommy taking a picture of her but she got out of the car with her backpack and smiled as I  took the picture.  I quickly got back into the car, so I wouldn't embarrass her, and she gathered the rest of her belongings with a huge grin on her face.  As she walked away, we both agreed that it was tradition to take the picture. 

I realized this will be the last picture I take of her first day of school.  How quickly the time passes.  As I reflect on the years, I realize that I felt the same way 13 years ago when she started Kindergarten.  Her first day of school was tough because I didn't want to let her go and now her last year of school is tough because I don't want to let her go. 

Knit One Pearl Two....

Well not exactly knitting.  I am adding a new craft to my list.  Crocheting.  It's something that I had on my bucket list of things to learn.  I tried many times when I was younger and much more impatient but just couldn't master it.  Now, I want to learn as much as I can.

My 89 year old aunt is a wiz at crafts and I asked her to teach me how to crochet.  I wanted to make a blanket for my niece who is expecting her baby any day now.  I picked a pattern and bought the yarn.  Excited I went to her house and sat while we looked over the pattern.  Keep in mind that I am not a very good learner when it comes to reading directions.  I find them much too complicated even when they are written in simplist form.  I like to watch and then do.  My aunt felt that it was important for me to learn the "crochet terminology" and gave me a list of abbreviations to study.  Impatiently, I took the list looked it over and memorized them.  Ready to get the blanket going, I eagerly sat down ready to create.  My aunt wanted me to look over the pattern and read the directions first so I could familiarize myself with what I would be doing.  Are you kidding me... Can't we just crochet?   I thought I was reading in another language.  What the heck does it all mean I wondered.  Feeling more impatient, I told her I was ready!  We gathered the yarn and she told me to make a chain which I already knew how to do.  Feeling positive, I made the chain and then waited for direction.  She told me that we needed to start the next row and that's where she lost me.  I was confused and couldn't understand what I needed to do.  Here is an example of what I was dealing with:  Sc in 1 ch then dc in next 6 ch.  Ch 3 and Dc, loop around and blah blah blah.

I told her that maybe we would just start with something more simple and I would just do rows with 3 different colors instead of trying to make squares and borders and fancy decorations.  I came home disappointed that I didn't have the beginnings of a blanket yet.  I searched the internet and found another blanket that I liked, printed the instructions and went over a couple days later for direction.  We started the blanket and I was on a roll.  I brought my project home to work on and just knew I would have it done in a couple of days.  The next day, I sat down to work on the blanket and when I got to the end of the row, I didn't understand the directions.  I guess what I had been working on was only the border and now I needed to change the stitches to get the blanket started.  Ugh! Another setback.  I took it back to my aunts and she looked it over a little perplexed about what the directions wanted us to do next.  In a hurry I left and went back later that week only to find that my aunt had taken the blanket apart and restarted it with low and behold no directions.  She just crocheted a shell or diamond stitch that she knows and showed it to me.  Oh so easy to learn. 

Now I was ready to move on and work on my own.  I brought the blanket home and worked on it for 1 week determined to finish it before the baby arrived.  Finally, last Sunday night, I was so close to finishing it that I stayed up until 2:00am to get it done.  Wow!  My first blanket.  I wanted everyone to see it but I was the only one awake.

Feeling pretty darn proud, I took it to my aunts house to show her last night.  I don't think she thought I would finish it and I don't think she thought it would be as good as it turned out.  To tell you the truth, I'm a little surprised.  After the attempts many years ago and the curvy, crooked looking blankets I tried to make, this one came out pretty darn good.  I asked my aunt to look it over and give me a grade.  She teased me and tried to find major flaws but only pointed out little things that she pretended were major.  In the end, she gave me a passing grade and now I am on a roll. 

I have picked out my next project and am determined to learn it.  Hopefully, I can master this stitch as well.  Oh and as far as the baby, she hasn't arrived yet but will be here very, very soon and will have a pretty blanket to comfort her:)

Fresh Start

Good morning everyone.  I woke up this morning after a restless night on the living room couch.  Last night my bed was invaded by lttle critters.  Two of them to be exact.  One about 4' 8" and the other 4' 3".  Alyssa and I stayed in the living room watching TV and fell asleep.  It wasn't a sound sleep or restful sleep.  When I woke up this morning, I just wanted to go back to bed and sleep the whole day but I knew that wasn't an option. 

I got my Bible and decided to go to the back patio and read.  Robert followed with his Bible and we sat out back and just talked about the previous days events and our feelings about things.  Keep in mind, we don't go out back unless we have company.  It's just something we have never really taken advantage of.  I don't know why.  Maybe because our dog is so hyper, or the fact that when company comes, we clean up really good and get rid of all the dog hair that accumulates, or maybe we have just gotten used to being inside the house all the time.  Anyway, whatever the reason, today I felt like I needed to be outside. 

As we were talking, Amber woke up and came out to feed the dog.  She played with the dog for awhile and then went back in.  A minute later she came out with her laptop and sat with us.  As we continued to talk, I realized that these are the moments that we so often take for granted.  We talked about her health, about times we've shared in the past, we talked about her job.  We looked at all the different kinds of birds in the area that take time out in our yard to look for food or just walk around the yard.  I wondered why we don't spend more time out there.

We read our Bible and talked about the plans for the day.  Funny, after being out there, I didn't want to come back into the house.  I think that today was the perfect way to start my day and I know that I'm looking forward to spending more time out there.  Somehow the fresh air is a great way to clear thoughts and feel refreshed.

Some Days.....

Some days are so great you can't hardly wait to jump out of bed and others you wish you could just crawl back in.  Today is one of those days.

I consider myself to be a pretty strong person and have overcome many obstacles and disappointments in my life.  I have suffered many losses and have remained strong and positive.  Now, however, I am having a hard time being strong.  I know that one day I'll look back on this time, just like the rest of the difficult times and know that whatever I'm going through will have made me stronger, but boy, I sure feel like I'm at my breaking point.

Our family is working hard to deal with the job loss in our family.  At the onset of Robert's job loss, we were also dealing with the seizures that our oldest daughter was having.  She was experiencing grand mal seizures and the doctors were adjusting her medicine.   February and March were pretty bad seizure wise and then nothing until early May.  Again, the medicine was adjusted and we have been monitoring her all summer with blood tests to check her levels.   Last Thursday she had another seizure and we took her to emergency.  Her levels were a little low and again the medicine was adjusted.  This morning she woke up as was getting ready to go to her first photo shoot appointment when I heard the dreadful sound.  I could hear something hitting in the bathroom so I called out to her and the silence was frightening.  As I heard the hitting sound, I immediatley reached for the doorknob , only to find it locked.  With panic, I called for Robert who got out of bed and got the tools to unlock the door.  After what seemed like forever, the door finally opened and we again found her on the floor.  This time however, the place she fell and the position she was in terrified me.  She was wedged between the toilet and the wall in a space that is less than a foot wide.  Her head was twisted and I wasn't sure how we would get her out or if she had cut herself.  We gently pulled and managed to free her and lay her down comfortably.  She came to about 10 minutes later and we have taken her to get more blood work. 

What is different about today than all the rest?  There are lots of tears and fear in all of us.  Amber says she feels different after her seizure today than other days.  Robert doesn't want to leave anywhere today because he says he has this feeling in him that something else will happen, which he hasn't had before.  I just feel numb and sad and scared and depressed all at once.  I know I have to be strong for the other kids so they won't be afraid but it's the unknown I am scared of.  Not knowing what or when something is going to happen next.  Frustration that they can't figure out why all of a sudden this year, she is having so many seizures and what damage all of this is doing to her. 

I just pray for strength and know that sometimes the road is smooth and clear and sometimes it gets bumpy and rough.  Sometimes we can see clearly for miles and other times we need to trudge through the fog.  This is one of those times.  I know there are lessons to be learned but Lord right now I don't know what it is and I don't know if I have the strength to deal with any of this. 

Our Spain Fund!

As you may know, Aly is saving for a trip to Spain with her class.  This trip couldn't come at a worse time with  Robert not working but we want to keep positive thoughts about it.  When our daughter approached us with this, a strong NO danced around in our head, but, not wanting to deflate our daughters joy, we decided to let her know how difficult coming up with that amount of money would be at this time.  It's her senior year and there are alot of expenses that will be occurring.

I also, believe that kids need to learn that if they want something bad enough, they need to be creative and think of ways to earn the money.  With that said, we told her that if she earned most of the money, we would cover the difference she wasn't able to make.  We also told her that she would have to do the work and stick to it.  Any spending she wanted to do would have to some from the fund.

Our next step was to figure out ways to make the money.  We told her that all the recycling money she could keep for her trip.  I also sell on Ebay and the money from that is for the house but the items I can't sell on Ebay would be donated to her for yard sales and she could keep that for her trip.  She is also looking for a job at present. 

Her trip is in April and we are hoping that we can get close to the $2100 needed for her to take this trip with her class.  It would be a great experience for her. 

I am creating a chart to keep you updated to her progress.  Wish her luck!!

Lazy Daze of Summer....

Aren't so lazy anymore!  I have a list of things that need to be done and am only 1/2 way through the list.  School starts for my homeschooler on August 15th this year.  That's 3 weeks ahead of time and 3 weeks I'm losing so that means hustle, hustle, hustle.

I wake up in the mornings wanting to just lay around and then when I finally open my eyes and can see clearly, I read my Bible.  When finished, I turn on the TV and think I'm gonna just watch a movie when all the to do's start running through my head.  I try to shrug it off telling myself, "It's summer, take it easy" then I remember that what doesn't get done now, will spill over to the school year and it'll just get more and more hectic and I'll kick myself for not getting it done now. 

I turn off the TV and proceed to the desk where my to do list sits...1/2 crossed off.  I look for the easiest project and although most are easy, they are not what I want to be doing.  I slowly move to the shower and try to get motivated.  By mid-day, I finally get around to getting my list taken care of.  By early evening I am in full swing and ready to conquer the world.  I get things crossed off and wonder why I coudn't get up early and do it first thing.

Tomorrow will be a better day.....maybe!

Whole Lotta Love!

 Did some yardwork at one of my aunt's house yesterday.  This is the house I practically grew up in.  It belonged to my grandmother and I probably spent more time there than I actually did at my own house.  When I was about 2 years old, we moved into a house around the corner from my grama's house.  It was behind the house right next door to hers.  Because my mom and I were always going to her house, my dad build a pathway with a gate going from our backyard to her backyard.  That way we didn't have to walk around the block.

I have many fantastic memories of being at her house.  Family get togethers with all my cousins, holidays, visits from out of state (out of country) relatives.  When I was 14, after my mom passed away, I think I spent every day at my gramas.  Just being around my aunts and grama was comforting to me.  After I grew up and had my own family, I wanted to give them that same comfort.  Grama's house was always so warm and welcoming.  Christmas Eve was an especially fun time.  Everyone got together at grama's house and Santa would come and visit every year.  It was a tradition that started in the early 1950's.

In 1999, my grama passed away and my aunt was now alone in the house.  Unfortunatley, as happens alot after a death or other major event, my aunt slowly fell into a sort of depression and just didn't know how to cope.  She stopped taking care of the house.  She no longer wanted visitors (in part because she was ashamed of the state of the house), Christmas Eve at gramas's stopped and although the tradition continues at my house, we all agree it's notquite the same.  Slowly grama's house fell into despair.  Attempts were made to help clean things up but no maintenance was done so over time, things would get out of control again.

Recently,  a letter from the city was sent out regarding the condition of the yard.  Many conversations were had among family about how to handle this and what to do but no action was taken.  On Friday, I saw my aunt and she mentioned the letter to me.  She seemed to not know what to do.  My husband Robert, offered to go over and begin the clean-up process in the yard and happened to call my cousin Larry who in turn offered to go help.  Another cousin caught wind of the situation and offered to go as well.  Larry talked to his brothers and sister and they decided to go help as well.  All this transpired from Friday to Saturday.

Yesterday, Sunday, they all showed up at my aunt's house at 8am.  I went to the store and bought waters and juices and went to deliver them about 8:30 and was immediatley filled with emotion when I drove up.  There were 13 adults and children, all working together to clean up the yard.  When I got out of the car, my aunt who lives in the house said she was happy to see all her family there.  I told her that everyone was there because they wanted to be.  No one made them go.  She kept saying she couldn't believe that they were there.  I had to tell her that everyone was there because they loved her and wanted to help her.  I also told her that now she just needed to accept that love.

We all worked very hard until 2pm.  We made much progress but didn't finish.  We felt good about what we were doing.  It was hard for all of us to see how the beautiful house we all grew up in, that was filled with so much joy and love, had now become such an eyesore with so much work needed.  There didn't seem to be life there anymore and it looked lonely.  By the time we left, it looked so much better and we could all envision what it would look like with attention and care.

My aunt has a hard time accepting help from anyone and that makes it hard for everyone who loves her to go and help her.  On the way to her house in the morning, I prayed that her house would be filled with love and respect, that there would be no resistance or anger.  I prayed that the spirit of God would be with us all while we took care of business and that the love we all have for each other would shine through and outweigh whatever negativity there would be.  My prayers were answered because what we experienced yesterday was incredible.  We all agreed that growing up, we didn't have much in terms of money.  We didn't live in big expensive houses, our parents didn't drive big expensive cars and we didn't have tons and tons of stuff.  We had the basics but we were rich in love.  We were brought up to love each other and help always.  I grew up watching my mom and my aunts helping my grama all the time in everything and anything she needed.  There was a strong bond between them and now we are teaching the same thing to our children.  When I saw the children working just as hard as the adults yesterday, it made me realize that we are passing that same love to our children and teaching them that family is the most important thing of all.